Monthly Archives: January 2013

Day’s End

Every day ends the same. Dinner as close to 6 as I am able to get it on the table, husband and I trade off giving little guy a bath, pjs, sleep sack, monkey, milk, and books on the couch as a family. Then it’s to bed with the wee man. 

Some days, I can’t wait for the end of the routine. To be able to sit down and turn off my constant vigilance. 

Today was one of those days. Tomorrow will be better. 

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New Baby

I had a baby. Fifteen months ago. I have a problem, I still think he’s a new baby. 

I realize that I’m long past being able to say “I just had a baby.” It continues to feel as though I just had a baby most days. He still doesn’t sleep through the night, he is still breast feeding, I’m still astounded that he’s mine. On the other hand, I know how to not react to him falling down immediately, I feel like I generally know when to call the doctor versus when to ride it out, I know what he really enjoys eating versus what is merely tolerated. I have figured out a few things about this parenting deal. 

What truly makes him continue to feel like a new baby is how different he is everyday. He starts making some new sound, or says a new word. He walks a little bit faster. He voices his opinion with an ear shattering squeal. Every day there is something new. 

Since he is my first, I have a feeling I will have just had this baby until I have another one. 

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This day last year was spent cuddling an almost three month old baby and plastering one wall of our apartment with post it notes detailing the goals we thought we wanted to accomplish for the year. The only one we stuck to was to love our son, the most important thing on the wall. That is the only post it that survived the year, it’s still there, and will be until we move.

I felt bad about myself for not completing the goals on the wall, but have come to realize that the wall was a good exercise. It helped me realize that I’m all over the board when it comes to goal setting, and I see those goals as a concrete thing. If I don’t accomplish that goal, exactly as originally stated, I have somehow failed.

This year, the goals are to allow my goals to evolve with my life and limitations, and to be kinder to myself. I will work harder at not beating myself up when I have not gotten through my to do list for the day. I will remember to take a break, and pay a few bucks to the sitter, when I feel I’ve reached my limit. I will do everything I am capable of, and not bad talk myself for the things I can’t. I will not be shy in asking for help.

Happy New Year. Much is on the horizon, and while I can’t do it all, I will revel in all that I can.

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